Let me preface this by saying that on the fame scale from A-listers to D-listers, I am most probably a Z
Article was originally posted on Medium.com
Perhaps I was a W or an X at the height of my fame as a recording artist in 2008 when I toured with a very famous DJ and later went on to tour on my own. But in no way am I pretending I was anything more significant than that.
However, I did experience the joy of having personal bodyguards once at a gig in Malta. I thought they were assigned to me as a joke or to make me feel special. As it turned out, the reason was very real, I was a liability to the club, and when I escaped their lines of sight to grab my own drink at the bar and was subsequently stalked by a creepy fan who was higher than sputnik, I realized parts of fame could be scary.
But that’s not what this piece is about. This is about all the things I wish someone would have told me about fame, in any form, when I was 17.
Perhaps my kids will read this one day and say “Wow, Mom, you are so wise. I will start listening to you now because you’ve been around a lot longer and maybe I don’t know everything.”
Probably not. But here goes.
Focus on your love of creating, not on the recognition you hope you get from it. There’s a very distinct line between those two intentions. One is more heart-focused, the other more ego-focused. The first will lead to happiness and fulfillment.
If you find yourself needing the recognition, ask yourself why. If it’s to make up for the fact that you didn’t feel believed in by your parents or peers as a teenager, I totally understand. That’s what motivated me. Recognize it. Feel it. Accept it. Whatever you do, don’t deny it. I challenge you to become friends with that part of your experience and work with it. Together, you’ll find more purpose for your creative process.
With big highs come big lows. Landing a tour is wonderful! Losing a tour is devastating. If there’s ever a time to start practicing mindfulness, it’s on the artist’s journey, especially as the public gets hold of your name. The extremes will take a toll on your mental health. Period.
With big dreams come bigger responsibilities. If your art is gaining attention and traction, that’s amazing! It can feel overwhelming when suddenly you have to deal with lawyers, agents, managers, and a whole slew of other professionals who, by collaborating with you, must ensure they get their return on investment. Gone are the days when you wake up feeling crappy and need to take the day off. Sorry. You’ve committed to an event. You must be there. You’re now ultra-responsible or you lose your partnerships.
Privacy…. The first time I was recognized I couldn’t believe it. I was over the moon. The fifth time I received a video of some stranger jerking off to my music video, I was full of rage. By and large, fans can be supportive and truly uplifting. There will always be those bad apples who find your personal email or send you threatening or inappropriate DMs that make you question everything. How you deal with that is critical. Be smart about what you reveal. And as for the bad apples? Deal with them. Security. Therapy. Mindfulness practices. Find support.
Make your art because you can’t NOT make it. Not because someone else is telling you you should. Having been pressured for many years with phrases like “Other singers would give anything to sing on these tracks” and “You’re letting your fans down by not making more music”, I continued for years longer than I should have. I was miserable and left the industry a shell of the once passionate songwriter I was. If I had made the time to check in with myself regularly and to ask myself if I was still writing and singing because I loved it, I would have realized I was just trying to please other people.
Re-evaluate! If you decide a year into a career that it’s not your thing— or perhaps you realized that you are a better fit for a different artistic career, that’s okay. READ IT AGAIN. THAT’S OKAY. YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD. IT’S NEVER TOO LATE. Commit to following your gut. Commit to following your heart. And if you are unsure of what your gut and heart are telling you — again, I recommend a mindfulness practice. There’s no rush. It’s perfectly okay to pause what you’re doing, do something else for a while, or even move on to a different project that feels more aligned.
That.
That is what I wish someone would have told me when I was 17.
What advice did you need to hear when you were 17? Leave me a message in the comments.