As someone who really dislikes being coached, but loves coaching others (we’ll unpack that one in a sec), I’ve often wondered if I would have progressed in my career very differently had I been willing to hire voice coaches when I was younger. I’ve thought hard about the question for approximately five minutes and here’s what I’ve come up with.
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Probably not. Why? There are two types of people in this world. Those who accept being taught by others, and those who insist on learning in their own way at their own pace at their own time without any help so stop asking if I need help, already! I used to be the latter. To my detriment.
I will say I’ve changed over the years. I’m much more collaborative and I often wonder if my lack of desire to collaborate with others or to accept coaching was a pride thing? An independence thing? A personality thing? And AuDHD thing? A childhood trauma thing? Your guess is as good as mine at this point.
What I will say is that I did have a vocal coach for a short time who insisted I learn how to sing classical music. I was in ballet at the time and often participated in singing competitions with my father and sister. She told me I’d better quit doing both if I ever wanted to sing correctly. I felt rejected in three ways. One, at the thought of needing to quit my dream of dancing. Two, that I’d have to stop yodelling when it was obviously such a cool skillset, and three, that I couldn’t possibly be a good singer if I didn’t learn classical music.
Now, obviously, I was missing a little bit of life context at that age. I took her words literally as any preteen does and spent years ruminating on them. Because I suffered from rejection dysphoria (there’s a name for it now), I can only imagine I decided that all coaches were the same and they’d do nothing but make me feel bad about myself, so byeeeeee.
Of course, all that changed when I met a vocal coach named Jami Lula during my first year in Los Angeles where I spent a whopping four weeks attending Musician’s Institute in 2002 before dropping out. Again with the whole accepting coaching thing...see the theme? Sessions with him were more like therapy sessions – helping me to unpack what was holding me back from really using my voice. I felt heard. I felt seen. I felt validated. And when I told him my last teacher said I needed to quit ballet and yodelling in order to be a real singer, he laughed. I think I did too, but the relief in having it confirmed by another person whom I respected in the field sure unloaded a few years' worth of weights.
Having been on the receiving end of vocal coaching that didn’t work for my personality type, I was committed to helping others in a way that left them feeling empowered. Even if they were terrible singers. Man, I overcompensated sometimes. But I was on a mission! I didn’t want anyone to feel they couldn’t love singing. Until one day, years after I quit the music industry, got divorced, got jaded and then got real with my bad self, I decided there’s got to be a way to coach honestly while also keeping the client motivated. Unless they really can’t keep a beat or hit one note out of ten. Then I’ll tell you I think it’s time to find another hobby.
Where am I going with this? There’s a point here, somewhere, I just know it.
I think the biggest benefit of coaching is that when you receive feedback from someone you believe to be better at a skill than you, you are actually just being invited inside that coach’s mind to see/hear things from their perspective. And when you can really see and hear from their perspective, you have the ability to change what you’re doing. Improvement is nothing more than getting out of an old habit and into a newer, better, more efficient one.
I love coaching. Especially when you work in an industry based on intellectual property exchange. It’s hard to quantify and qualify what change you’re making in the world because you can’t see it, physically. With coaching, it’s easy to feel when you’re on the same wavelength as your client (or coach, depending which end you’re on). And nothing feels quite as good as that high when you’re reaching the same goal together. On the client side, it keeps you motivated and accountable. On the coach side, it keeps you motivated and makes you feel proud and valuable to the community. After all, your perspective is changing someone’s life, small or huge. You just never know.
So. Do you have to hire a vocal coach to get better or are you curious and dedicated enough to learn on your own?
In the classic response of my father…
Yes.
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